antikris:

Dating advice: Carry deodorant and wet ones in your purse at all times.  Those Oral B Brushups are also a good idea.  There’s no such thing as drinking too much. Always follow your heart, and also that other place that throbs.  

Fashion Advice: Hide your muffin top.  Dont flaunt labels.  Always wear clean underwear.  

Tech Advice: Buy a Mac.  Log out of your accounts so your significant other cant spy.  Dont look at kiddie porn. 

Diet Advice: Dont eat like a pig, but eat.  Avoid carbs late at night.  Drink liquor, not beer.  Try to get some exercise. 

How to get over a guy: Start fucking someone else who has a larger cock or a faster tongue

I heart the shit out of you right now.  No joke.