texts from this morning

• her: fuckkkkk I'm so fucking drunkkkkkk
• her: how and why am I driving??
• me: if i could just find my pants I could get on with my life!
• her: duh motherfucker
• me: my kingdom for a fucking iced tea!!!! one two three lemons
• her: I'm in traffic listening to oldies wondering why i woke up mid sleep to drink a bottle of two buck chuck. i feel like awesomeness not.
• me: I would drive into oncoming. anything harder than NPR right now and I'm going to vom. I'm in the drive thru. I still can't find my pants.
• (3 minute later)
• me: sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 is on... i'm content.
• her: I mean who drives dodge durangos anyways
• me: there should be more movies about pants and less dodge durangos in the universe.